Ran across a term that identifies the feeling of helplessness that I have been feeling: negative partisanship. As such, the main unifying force for a political party is hatred for the other party.
And, no doubt, if your main priority is sticking it to the other party then you will gladly take actions that are against your own well- being as long as the other side hates it more. I can’t imagine this self-destructive dynamic ending well.
As part of my training for work, I read a book on negotiations authored by an FBI hostage negotiator (Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference). In case anybody is wondering, this book is written for everyday boring business situations… I’m an engineer, not an FBI agent.
Regardless, this book makes a compelling argument that many of the dynamics involved with extreme situations, such as kidnappings and hijackings, are present in our day-to-day interactions. Even so, I certainly get the feeling that political parties are holding our well being hostage to collect a ransom.
And, here it is, the underlying thing that applies to both situations: our emotional brain. More specifically, we don’t make decisions with our logical brain; rather, our emotional brain makes the decision and our logical brain comes up with a rationale to support that decision.
Reasoning with terrorists or the company across the street starts with listening and empathy. No doubt, listening and empathy are less common and all the more difficult when our counterpart in a negotiation is somebody we loathe. Listening and empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree or give in to their demands; rather, it lets the other party know they are being heard. And until your counterpart gets the feeling they are being heard, they will not hear a thing you say.
Joe Criscione, President